Many times when we fight, the intensity that we have does not allow us to think clearly, so we say things that may really hurt the other. The same happens when a mother has her child malnourished, whether it is small child or a teenager. In such cases, it is very easy for the mother to forget that there are certain accusations that are forbidden for a child to listen and even if the reaction is not immediate, be sure the children hear everything, they remember them and they are deeply wounded.
It is reasonable that the moment of a fight is not appropriate for more thought but according to Psychology Today, there are 3 specific phrases that you should never say to your child. Instead, you can use 3 others that will surely have better results and will not negatively affect your child’s psychology by feeling shame, fear and guilt.
1. “You’ve made me crazy!”
Instead of filling your child with guilty, it is preferable to tell him that you do not like his behavior. You have to explain to him what signs of his behavior are inadmissible and guide him by indicating the ways in which he can change it. This will allow your child to understand what is what “made you crazy” without feeling responsible for your own psychological condition.
2. “What’s your problem?”
This phrase can make a child feel ashamed of himself and growing up is likely to get to the point of doubting and not being sure for his abilities, and thoughts. The child does not have a “problem” when behaving strangely, just does not know how to behave. Instead of using phrases that will reduce self-confidence and self-esteem, tell him directly what you’re having trouble with: “I don’t like to hear you screaming” for example. This will help him understand how to change his behavior.
3. “Stop yelling otherwise …”
This phrase is threatening and actually forces the child to change his behavior by fearing it. If the child hears indirect threats from a small one, growing up will have been taught to ask for what he wants through aggression and intimidation. A good alternative to your child to stop what he is doing is to tell him exactly what the subject is. “What you do is not right and does not make me feel good”. So your child learns what behavior is right and what a mistake, while giving him the opportunity to get into your position and understand in depth why what he does is not acceptable.
Childhood is a period when people cultivate their thoughts and shape their character from the stimuli they have in their environment. And you as mothers, you have to be allies of the children on this path and explain them with calm and patience what they need to learn. Be sure they understand much more than we think.